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wow [22 Feb 2005|04:29pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | I Caught Fire- The Used ] dude sooo sorry i havent updated in lk a billion yrs.. i really need to start! haha.. well a caption of my life right now.. arent u excited?? Friends Well friends are good! Brittany is amazing.. def couldent live with out her!! haha.. Angela! shes great too! we have so much in common.. its freakenn crazyy ya kno.. our lifes are lk the excat same! haha .. i basically dont hang out with many ppl..  im soo busy with everything.. so preoccupied.. ya know.. School FUCKIN SUCKS! im doing oka.. but not the greatest.. things are blah.. i hate it.. i really do.. i hate school.. good news tho.. i went to the Senior Class Trip meetin today.. for next yr.. CANCUN MEXICO.. 7 nights 8 days.. FREE CLUBBIN FREE DRINKS! EVERYTHING... NO PARENT OR TEACHERS FOLLOWIN US AROUND EITHER! hell yeahhh!!! Love MY BABY! i love him.. wow.. i just went to jersey this weeken to see him.. things were perfect!  I really cant live with out him.. my heart hurts thinking about if we will ever end.. i dont want too.. as much as he drives me crazy and says things to me that could crush me to a million peices i really could see my self with him forever.. hes such a fuckin ass hole and i love it! haha.. hes soo amazing.. everything about him.. i dont know what it is excatly.. his eyes... i can stair at him for hours.. his lips.. omgg i love kissing him.. i get butterflys... his muscles! haha MILITARY BOYY! i love it.. i feel so safe with him.. like no one could ever hurt me when im in his arms.. His attitude and tempor.. i hate it but i love it.. no one wants to fuck with him.. there all afraid.. but im not.. i can say what i want when i want! hahaha and he STILL wont beat me up! lol.. the way he says I LOVE YOU.. godd i love it.. i know he means it too.. i really do.. ive never been more content with my relationship then now.. even tho were sooo far away.. and it kills.. and even tho he does what he does when hes home.. i still love him.. is that wrong? sometimes im confussed tho.. scared.. i dont want him being the pimp that he is when he goes home.. and then the next day sayin oh baby i love you.. it hurts.. i really does.. i hide it.. i say its straight.. bc well theres nothing i can do.. its either leave him and let hiim fuck whoever he wants to fuck.. or stay with him n let him fuck whoever he wants to fuck.. i dont knwo.. it hurts.. and i know that part of him wont change.. its almost a year.. a year of the worst day and the best day of both of our lifes... kinda scary.. wow.. hmm.. well..         AHH IM ALREADY BORED WITH TYPING.. whats wrong with me! haha i have a MY SPACE.. if u want it.. ask for it.. and my PICTURE PAGE.. want it.. ask for it.. im out xoxox love ya  5 saying what they wanna say im tired of people lying

FUCKK [20 Jan 2005|11:56am] [ mood | crazy ] im so bad at this.. i use to update everyy day but now im slackin biggg timee! oka where to start school- GAYY! i leave at 12 every other day on odd days.. THATS AWESOME.. my classes arent that bad... i think im gonna do good this semester friends- I LOVE BRITT! omg me n britt have been hangin out lk crazy and i love her soo much! shes such an awesome fucken grl! seriously! we already know lk everything bout eachother.. we come to eachother for probs and everything.. i love her we have the best times together... JOANNA- well me n her are oka.. we dont hang out.. kinda depressing.. she has her own friends n so do i... hmm... she got a new car tho lol.. LIZ- my baby! i love her soo much!! man o man! the fucken tuffest bitch i fukcen knoww! and i love it! [ ps- so happy shes my bride to be.. or she would prolly kill me ] hahahah i loveee u bffl! TIANA- shesss soo cute! omg shes beautiful! no lie.. shes an awesome grl.. shes with britts bro! WHO I LOVEE! there perfect otgether.. and seriously bitches need to stop talkin bout her.. bc u have no idea how badly me n my grls will fuck u up for dissin T! i <3 u grly! Latley-- ive been with britt every day.. this weeken was crazy.. fucken amazing.. i saw Cory Sazly at the barron n lely game friday.. wow! it was good to see him.. i thought i liked him.. we hung out friday staturday and sunday.. and monday.. and YESTERDAY but i dont lk him.. hes all about ass and i dont want that...soo friends is all i want from him.. His friend sean is so awesome tho! hes sooo funny! hahah he makes me laugh.. all he wants to do is get laid.. but its lk the funnyest thing.. "theres something wrong with ur brain" ahhahaha i <3 ya kidd!! love- my baby! godd! its so hard with him not here.. its so wierd knowin im lk a jillion billion miles away from him.. n hes @ school n im here.. i miss him.. i do! so much! recently ive been feelin lk the love was over.. he didnt love me n i would learn NOT to love him... he went home this weekend.. did his thing with his grls.. n it dosnt bother me... it took me lk what 6 months to realize that we have to do our own thing for now...! Last nite was amazing.. we were on the fone.. for ever! He finally told me how he felt..! everything was just perfect! i really do love him! AFTER EVERYTHING omg we have been through so much the heart break, the loss, the tears, all the promises, the fights, the lies, everything and this man is still fucken perfect to me.. thats fucken love! lemme tell u! i kno we will be together again! Hes gonna go to school in florida.. we can be together! we will be together! no doubt in my mind! he wants it.. i know he does.. and i do more then anything.. were young now.. we need to do our own thing.. but when it comes down to it.. we both know who will b there for the rest of our live's! I LOVE YOU ps- finally got my period! yeahhh buddy! lol i miss new jersey! SO MUCH i miss colleen! bffl! my puppy is sick! hes got a 103 fever! GET BETTER MOO! i volenteer at the Animal Clinic now.. i want to adopt this doggie there.. my daddy wont let me!! GRR my daddys got a new gf! shes nice.. really pretty.. her daugher is awesome! hope there all happy ! :) life is pretty good right now..!! britt i love u!!! i havent seen much of sammy latley! SAMMY SLEEP OVER PRONTO!!! i love u bffl c4l! duh!! i havent seen manda latley either.. goin through AMANDA WITHDRAWEL! i love u bffl i love lizzy! god i wouldent of wanted to get chased and cought by the cops with ne one else! i think keiter is mad at me!? i <3 mike schank! haha COULTON! my man!! i got an itch! haha i love uuu! i <3 melissa!! i miss my mommy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you! that it hurts so bad ur not here! i need you! MORE THEN U KNOW AND MORE THEN I SHOW! party at britts this friday again! FUN FUN! STOLE FROM TIANA WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF: » I committed suicide: » I said I liked you: » I kissed you: » I lived next door to you: » I started smoking: » I stole something: » I was hospitalized: » I got into a fight and you weren't there: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY: » Personality: » Eyes: » Face: » Hair: » Clothes: » Mannerisms: [1] Who are you? [2] Are we friends? [3] When and how did we meet? [4] How have I affected you? [5] What do you think of me? [6] What's the fondest memory you have of me? [7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies? [8] Do you love me? [9] Have I ever hurt you? [10] Would you hug me? [11] Would you kiss me? [12] Would you give me a flower? [13] Are we close? [14] Emotionally, what stands out? [15] Do you wish I was cooler? [16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I? [17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. [18] Am I loveable? [19] How long have you known me? [20] Describe me in one word. [21] What was your first impression? [22] Do you still think that way about me now? [23] What do you think my weakness is? [24] Do you think I'll get married? [25] What about me makes you happy? [26] What about me makes you sad? [27] What reminds you of me? [28] What's something you would change about me? [29] How well do you know me? [30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? [31] Do you think I would kill someone? [32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say? fill it out and comment in my journal bitchesss! <3 oka this is just a survay im fillin out for my self!! FIRSTS* [First job]: busser... cafe de marco [First screen name]: something lk beanybabyluver or something [First funeral]: my uncle chuck.. but the one i remember is my poppy! [First pet]: desi [First piercing/tattoo]: ears [First credit card]: ahh i want one! [First true love]: he knows! [First enemy]: this black grl in new jersey when i was lk 5 her name was beatrice.. [First big trip]: florida? to see sammy [First concert]: NSYNC [First musician you remember hearing in your house]: micheal bolton! [First room color]: pink? [First crush]: george! in lodi! haha memeber rosie? [First time drunk]: COCANUT BOWL WEEKEND FRESHMAN YR. w/ serena, dionna, lauren, and all of lpi and wafolee! [First grade teacher]: oh god! dont remember *LASTS* [Last car ride home]: from ali's mommy! SOO COOL [Last magazine you read]: Prom Fashion [Last card game played]: Ass hole w/ coll n ryan an val n everyone in jersey [Last call]: britt [Last library book checked out]: dont read [Last beverage drank]: stress releve Ice Tea [Last food consumed]: ravilolies* [sp?) [Last time showered]: um yeseterday [Last CD played]: Eminem [Last annoyance]: my dad [Last soda drank]: dp [Last ice cream eaten]: choc. ice cream with lisa [Last shirt worn]: Turkey bowl long sleeved shirt from lenape last yr. *HAVE YOU EVER* 1. Kissed your cousin: OH SAMMMMMYYY 2. Ran away: yes! 3. Pictured your crush naked: HE KNOWSSS I DO! 6. Been in love: yes 7. Cried when someone died: lets count how many friends amanda has fucken lost in her life! :( 8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: .. yes 9. Broken a bone: naaa 10. Lied: yea 11. Cried in school: of course *WHICH IS BETTER* 12. Coke or Pepsi: pepsi 13. Sprite or 7UP: sprite 14. Girls or Guys: guys 15. Flowers or candy: flowers but i loveee my choc. lol 16. Scruff or Clean shaved: clean 19. Blondes or Brunettes: blondes! but grls with dark hair are pretty too.. but brown on guys 20. Bitchy or Slutty: id rather be a bitch n never let ne one walk all over me.. then be a slut! 21. Tall or Short: tall for guys 22. Pants or Shorts: pants *WHAT IS (YOUR FAVORITE)* 23. Your Good Luck Charm: my 2 rings.. 1 from when i was a baby that i got refitted for me.. it has a A on it.. n my ring my poppy gave me.. on my communion a long time ago! 24. Person You Hate Most: honestly.. i dont hate ne one.. but theres alotta ppl i dislike 25. Best Thing That Has Happened: josh! 27. Movie: ancorman, napolian dynamite, father of the bride 28. Subject in school: im starting to lk spanish bc i UNDERSTAND it now.. 35. Juice: apple 36. Cars: nothing lk joanna's murky water car! i lovee uuu haha 37. Food: everyone lets say this together.... CHEESE 41. Song: cant ask me that i love lk every song *Who* 43. Makes you laugh the most: britt 43. Makes you the funniest: everyone 44. Makes you smile the most: josh - britt- sammy- liz- lizzy 45. Can make you feel better no matter what: britt- sammy- josh 46. Has a crush on you: ill never tell 47. Do you have a crush on: i dont crush! *DO YOU EVER* 50. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: sometimes 51. Save AOL conversations: yess 52. Save Emails: yep 53. Wish you were someone else: sometimes 54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: only for a day *BEST* 55. Hairstyle: who knows 56. Cologne: the 1 josh wears! lol n aqua di geo! by armani 57. Perfume: Lilu by pac sun, and Escada *THE LAST PERSON YOU* 72. You touched?: Ali 73. You talked to?: britt 74. You hugged?: ali 75. You instant messaged?: tiana 77. You had sex with?: I AM A VIRGIN! 78. You yelled at? dad 80. Who broke your heart?: josh 81. Told you loved?: britt 82. Heard I love you From?: daddy? no wait britt! *OTHER INFO* 82. Color your hair?: blonde, brown, umm who knows 83. Have tattoos: no but im gettin one.. but i have to wait for HIM to come with me 84. Have piercings?: yea 85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?: i dont know.. yes and no? 86. Own a webcam?: yea 87. Own a thong?: hahaha yepppers 88. Ever get off of the damn computer?: neverrrr 89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?: what? 90. Habla espanol?: spanish 1 thanks! 91. Quack?: LAST NITE ACTUALLY lolol.. we were makin animal noises to britts cat! *Have you/do you/are you* 92. Stolen anything?: 5 finger with britt!! 93. Smoke?: been there done that 94. Schizophrenic?: sometimes i think i am! haha 95. Obsessive?: yesss 96. Compulsive?: yess 97. Obsessive compulsive?: honestly i dont know what those 2 words mean together 98. Panic?: yess i do.. alot 99. Anxiety?: yes 100. Depressed?: yes been there done that! HAHAH EVERYONES GONNA BE SOOOO MADDD... HERES ANOTHER ONE BITCHESSS!!!!!! [1] Name: Amanda Brooke Alexis Lanni [2] Age: 16 [3] Sex: female [4] Star sign: cancer [5] B’day: 6-29-88 [6] Nicknames: mandy, manda, lonny, moo Looks... [7] Hair color: blonde / brown [8] Long Hair/Short Hair: short kinda [9] Eye color: hazel [10] Height: 5'1 ? School... [11] School: lely [12] School colors: orange & black [13] Grade: 11 [14] Fave male teacher: bruno but i dont have him this yr [15] Fave female teacher: holmolka [16] Worst male teacher: EGANA! [17] Worst female teacher: coldwell? [18] Fave subject: spanish , criminal justice [19] Worst subject: math People You Know... [20] Funnest: britt [21] Funniest: god so many [22] Best for advice: sammy- britt- josh- liz- lizzy [23] Prettiest: everyoneee [24] Ugliest: well ummm [25] Nicest: lizzy - sammy [26] Meanest: LIZZ! but i love her [27] Smartest: sammy [28] Best friend: britt - liz - lizzy - samantha [29] Worst enemy: rawr [30] Wildest: WE ALL ARE OMGG MOST DEF [31] Craziest: EVERYONE [32] Loudest: LIZZY - ME- BRITT - SERENA [33] Quietest: hmm joanna [34] Most calm: sam m [35] Best for guy advice: britt - sammy - coll [36] Who know’s all your secrets: josh - britt - samantha [37] Whose secrets do you know: josh- britt- samantha [38] Shyest: we dont have ne shy ppl at lely [39] Teacher’s pet: sammy [40] Who gets in most trouble: ME [41] Class clown: ME - britt [42] You <3 the most: cant choose just one!! [43] Most understanding: sammy- lizzy- britt [44] Most trustworthy: sammy lizzy britt [45] Best hair: tiana [46] Biggest flirt: serenaa!!! [47] Best handwriting: britt Do you… [48] Believe in god: yes [49] Dress up on halloween: HAHAHHA YEAA ME AND JOANNA DID AND CHASED PPL DOWN THE BEACH! YEAHH WE DID [50] Like to travel: yess [51] Ever have the falling dream: hmm yea [52] Have stuffed animals: yea [53] Believe in magic: suree [54] Do your own laundry: sometimes [55] Clean your house: no [56] Own a furby: use too! [57] Like hugs: yes [58] Like kisses: yes <3 [59] Have a job: nooo sir [60] Keep a diary: journal [61] Wear make-up: yepp [62] Wear glasses: naa [63] Have any peircings: yes [64] Want to kill someone: hmm sometimes [65] Love Someone At The Moment: ALWAYS [66] Who: joshua [67] Know the national anthem: the pledge? or the thing that they sing b4 football games? [68] Talk to yourself: HAHA YEAA [69] Talk to your pets: haha yes [70] Snore: naa Favorites... [71] Books: The David Peltzer Series [72] Kind of chain letters: NONEEE [73] Poems: ones about love [74] TV shows: gilmore girls - life as we know it- my super sweet sixteen [75] Male singer: dk [76] Female singer: dk [77] CD: dk [78] Bands: fallout boy, taking back sunday, the used, DASHBOARD!!!!! [79] Movies: napoleon dynamite, anchorman... [80] Musical: um grease? [81] Song: dk [82] Website: lj? [83] Music Award Show: ne thing MTV [84] Music Video: hmmm [85] Soda: dr pepper [86] Fast Food Place: micky d's [87] What do you get there: food [89] Kind of pizza: cheese! [90] Ice cream: strawberry [91] Holiday: christmas... [92] Thing to do in winter: cuddle [93] Thing to do in summer: BEACH [94] Thing to do on weekends: partyyyy [95] Dream vacation spot: bahamas? colorodo? me n sammy both feel the same on this 1 [96] Place to shop: hollister, AF, Pac, [97] Thing to do on a rainy day: relax, cuddle, watch movies [98] Thing to do on a sunny day: go out!! [99] Color: pink [100] Magazine: Cosmo [101] Place in your house: my room [102] Place to be alone: my room [103] Kind of house: mine [104] Place to live: i wish.... [105] Kind of occupation: sicentist [106] Memory from childhood: i have alot! [107] Memory with friends: SO MANY [108] Party you've ever been to: ALOT Personal... [109] Are you straight, gay, or bi: most def straight [110] What are some of your pet peeves: ppl who lie, cheat, are cocky, show off [111] What are some of your phobias: bein in close spaces [112] Do you want children in the future: yes [113] Do you want to get married: i do [114] How many fillings/cavities do you have: none? 1 i dk [115] Are you right or left handed: rightt! [116] What posters do you have on your walls: a lhs one [117] What kind of house are you in: condo [118] Have you ever broken a bone: naw [119] Have you ever had stitches: nope [120] What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever made out: umm i dk lol This Or That... [121] Peanut butter/Jelly: jelly [122] Drive/Walk: drive [123] Good/Bad: badd!!! [124] MTV/Comedy Central: both [125] Ice/Roller skating: ice [126] Purse/Wallet: purse [127] Chocolate milk/Regular milk: chocolate [128] Tall/Short: tall [129] Blue eyes/Brown eyes: I LOVE YOUR BLUE EYES!!!! [130] Books/Movies: movie [131] Comedy/Horror: both [132] Lights On/Off during a movie: off [133] Theater/Video: video :) [134] Red/Blue: blue [135] Top/Bottom: haha both?? [136] Morning/Night: NIGHT [137] Chocolate/Vanilla: chocolate [138] Cat/Dog: both [139] McDonalds/Burger King: mcd [140] Metallica/Nirvana: nirvana [141] Coke/Pepsi: pepsi [142] Black/White: white [143] Left handed/Right handed: right [144] Mom/Dad: both [145] North America/South America: north [146] Football/Rugby: football [147] Gold/Silver: silver [148] CD's/Cassettes: cds [149] TV/Cinema: cinema [150] Video/DVD: dvd [151] Glasses/Contact lenses: contacts [152] Brown hair/Red hair: brown [153] Chinese/Italian: ITALIAN [154] Ocean/Sea: ocean... [155] Sun/Moon: moon! [156] Plane/Boat: both? [157] Early bird/Night owl: night owl!! woo [158] Jaguar/Mercades: who has that kinda money? [159] Yellow/Blue: yellow [160] Windows/MAC: windows [161] Eminem/Dr Dre: EM [162] Buffy/Angel: WHO? [163] Basketball/Baseball: basketball [164] Curly hair/Straight hair: both [165] Mars/Snickers: snickers About Guys... [166] What do you look for in a guy: personalit, looks, sence of humor, sensitivity [sp?] [167] Good boys/bad boys: what can i say.. im attracted to bad boys [168] Long hair/short hair on a guy: short? [169] Older or younger guys: same age [170] Do u have a bf: no [180] Who: i dont have one! [190] Who do you like: my love [191] Tall or short guys: tall.. [192] Fave hair color on a guy: brown!! [193] What's the most you've done with a guy: im scared! boys scare me! Are you… [194] Frigid: what? [195] Gay: no [196] Bi: no [197] Lesbo: haha no [198] Straight: yepp [199] Evil: sometimes [200] Good: yes [201] Christian: cathloic [202] Single: yes / no [203] Taken: yes / no [204] Crazy: ALWWAYS [205] Immature: sometimes [206] Mature: i am [207] Quiet: yesometimes [208] Loud: 99% When Was The Last Time You... [209] Left your house: today [210] Slept: last night [211] Got mad: today [212] Ate something: lk 2 hrs ago [213] Showered: yesteday [214] Watched tv: lk now [215] Friends came over: britt was here yesterday [216] Ate ice cream: saturday [217] Kissed someone: a few nites ago [218] Went to a movie: hmmm [219] Cried: today [220] Talked on the phone: today [221] Ate nerds: i dont eat nerds! hahah [222] Drank grape juice: ew [223] Went skating: hmm dk [224] Went to the doctor: wensday [225] Got grounded: lk 2 weeks ago [226] What for: police officer it wasnt mee Who Is The Last Person You... [227] Talked to: britt [228] Talked to on the phone: britt [229] Called: britt [230] Kissed: cory [231] Said I love you to: britt [232] Got angry with: my dad [233] Bitched about behind their back: the bitches who r talkin shit bout britt [234] Cried about: my period lol [235] Had a crush on: cory [236] Punched: TUFF GIRL [237] Fought with: my dad [238] Visited: liz [239] Talked to on msn: huh [240] Hugged: ali [241] Went out with: josh Are You... [242] Understanding: i am [243] Mean: sometimes... [244] Nice: yes [245] Open minded: eh sometimes [246] Insecure: yea [247] Talkative: YEAAA [248] Trust worthy: to ppl that i can trust! [249] Interesting: HELL YEA u could write a book bout me nigga [250] Smart: if i tryed [251] Dumb: blonde moments [252] Moody: yeaaaa [253] Organized: nopeee [254] Messy: sorta [255] Angry: sometimes [256] Sad: at times... [257] Happy: yes [258] Crazy: ohh yeahh [259] Calm: sometimes In The Past 24 Hours Have You... [260] Had a serious talk: YES [261] Hugged someone: yes [262] Fought with someone: yea [263] Cried: yes [264] Laughed: yes!! :) [265] Made someone laugh: hehe... yes [266] Bought something: yes [267] Cut your hair: no [268] Felt stupid: yeah [269] Talked to someone you love: yes [270] Missed someone: yes [271] Been dumped/asked out: noo [272] Kissed someone: nope! OKAAA BITCHES IM DONE! much love have fun readin it hahahhahahahaha 3 saying what they wanna say im tired of people lying

bad bad [14 Jan 2005|06:53am] [ mood | cranky ] i havent updated in a long time.. i need to start keepin up on it... basically things are good... my friends are awesome.. me and britt are gettin so close.. i love her.. TO DEATH.. haha.. last friday was fun.. ive been goin to the boys soccer games.. ALL OF THEM.. to watch coult and mike play.. i <3 them.. hehe.. josh is an ass hole.. but i cant help but still love him.. i found out ALOT of things that i didnt want to find out.. and u know what im happy i found them out.. NOT happy they happened.. but happy i found out.. makes me alot stronger.. ALOT strongerrrrrrrr... well i gotta go to school.. sub in egana's class thank godddd bitches! party @ b to b bilians house tonite.. yay <3 i cant help but notice him in the halls.. does he know whats in my heart? im tired of people lying

winter break <3 breaking hearts [04 Jan 2005|10:24am] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | 3 Deep- Rush ] well.. its been a longgg time since i updated.. where to begin..   December 26, 2004 - I went to jersey.. my plane was delayed.. it was gay.. i got to Atlantic City real late.. my mom n bob picked me up.. we got home.. i saw my puppy! i missed him.. we then opened up presents.. i got $500.. yayay i was real tired so i went to bed early..   December 27, 2004 The day i saw josh! i woke up pretty early.. actually.. sat around all day looking at the clock.. finally decided to get ready.. spent lk 2 hours.. then watched Cruel Intentions.. and waited for josh.. he got his licences so he came and picked me up in his new Avaitor.. its awesome! It was sooo good to see josh! Amazing actually.. everything felt right.. we went to the mall.. then left and went to Ryans house.. i saw ry and coll! omggg i missed them so much! Colleen is seriously an awesome person! while we were there gabby called.. i got upset.. just bc i know josh liked her! i know it! and it hurt.. but o well... we left ryans and went to pick up neda and ashley! aww my girls! i missed them... my nedu love! haha we went to the medport diner.. and ate then josh droped them off.. then we went back to josh's hung out then josh took me home round 1230.. n i went to bed...   December 28, 2004 i went to work with my mom and bob.. 9-5 omg it was hell.. i had to do paperwork ALL damn day... my mom said i was allowed out that night and i could sleep at josh's.. so after work i went home got ready n my step dad took me to josh's.. we hung out he told me he ended all the shit with gabby.. bc i ment more to him then her.. or anyone for that matter.. even tho he did that.. it didnt make me feel too good...but whatever then he took a shower.. bc he was workin at his gmas house all day.. i was readin the text messages he was sendin to gabby when he "ended it" and i read a text that said she took his virginity.. i was lk wow oka .. lets see here.. i waited untill he got out of the shower and asked him.. he denyed it.. then he gave in.. he told me everything.. and i was fucken STRONG.. i didnt cry.. didnt yell.. didnt get "too" upset.. i was cool.. but the one thing that was a fucken shot to the face.. was that was his one promise to me.. NOT to have sex with ne one.. untill i leave jersey.. bc we needed to talk and everything..  it hurt.. to know i cant trust him ne more.. but i still couldent stop loving him... ne ways after that.. we went to Jon's house.. dannys brothers.. steph and danny were there.. they pplayed poker.. steph n i played "Power like 10 minutes" hahaha.. it was fun... then me n josh went back to his house.. hung out and went to bed...   December 29, 2004 We went to his gmas house ALL day long.. he had to do work for her.. josh's cousins were there.. there so hyper lol.. so we were there all day.. then went back to josh's.. we met up with danny.. n jill.. there was nothing to do.. so josh took me home..   December 30, 2004 I went to the king of prussia mall.. with my mommy bob dayna and her friend jamie.. it was good to spend time with my mommy.. i needed that.. i missed her.. i bought soooooo much stuff.. like $300 worth of stuff... i bought josh a shirt from Abercrombie.. its sexy... ne ways.. after that we went to Dave and Busters and went to the Habachi resturant.. its this chinese place where they cook ur food infront of u! it was cool... josh was being gay the hole night.. we were fighting..his mom wasnt home so he had ppl over.. n they drank.. yeahhh well i asked for a phone call.. n never got one..  that pushed me a way a little bit.. o well.. i went home n passed out...   December 31, 2004 My mom took me to josh's around like.. 230-3 he was ridin the bikes and quads so he wasnt there.. my mom came in n talked to his mommy.. me n his sister hung out.. lol.. josh came home.. n we just hung out.. ryan and danny stoped by n that had to do something but colleen and erin had to go home [back to ryans hosue] to get ready for new yrs and shit.. so coll drove dannys car and ry n danny drove ryans car.. we went to ryans and we were there ALL NIGHT.. josh was in his work clothes.. he didnt even take a shower... ew.. that night was good!  it was a sorta happy new yr.. josh n danny wanted to go to this keg party.. SHADYYYYY! i didnt want josh to go.. bc i know what hes capable of.. then at like 1 danny took me n josh home.. and we went to bed...   January 1, 2005 this was suppose to be me and josh's last day togetehr...we went to the mall for a bit.. n just hung out.. basically.. we watch White chicks.. that night.. we spent i guess "quality time" together..  then he took me home.. we said our goodbyes and everything.. honestly i was sad.. i peaked through the window till i couldent see his car lights anymore.. i started to cry.. but i would never show him a tear.. i would never give him that satisfaction.. he would only use it to his advantage.. i went to bed..   January 2, 2005 I hung out with my MOMMY! :) we had a good day.. i took my mom and bob out to dinner at the Stone Grill.. i love my mom! and bob! After that they dropped me off at Skaters Choice.. Ryan n whitemen had hocky games n coll was there.. so i was gonna b with them the hole night.. u see josh didnt want to hang out with me.. bc he wanted to BE WITH HIS BOYS... whatever i dont care.. ne ways after the game we went to ryans.. johnson and his girl Val was there.. I LOVE VAL,.. shes such a sweet heart.. seriously.. haha we all made jello shots.. like 100 of them.. haha and then we started to play this game sholders.. it was me, coll, erin, val, and ryan, and johnson and whtieman just watched.. oka im not even kidding that was by far the BEST FUCKEN GAME I HAVE EVER PLAYED.. its sooooooo awesome.. and ryan was so funny.. we played for lk an hour and a half.. and we were all pissin our selfs bc we were laughin soooo hard... it was awesome.. UNTILLLLLL.. josh called n said hes stoppin by with danny.. oka whatever.. i wasnt gonna let him ruin my night.. so they stoped by.. and it was whatever.. wierd.. but it was oka.. josh told his mom he was takin me home so he could stay out late.. wtf.. i love how he didnt want to see me but he told his mom that he was with me.. hmm whatever.. me and COLLEEN had our little time together.. hahahahhahahahah my fucken babyyyy girl!! josh ended up leavin lk 1245 or something.. we said goodbye AGAIN.. n then.. he was gone.. me coll and val all left at the same time.. val took me home.. we talked about everything.. i love her.. i got home called josh n went to bed....   January 3, 2005 woke up n started packing.. had to get ready to go back home.. my plane was delayed AGAIN.. grr.. it was whatever tho.. we left at lk 530 didnt get home till like 930.. i was gettin ready for bed n mike and coulton called me..they said they were stoppin by with keiter... so they came by.. keiter went back to marco to see lizzy.. n me n shank and coult hung out by my pool.. keiter came back lk 2 hours later.. then we called britt and she came over.. haha we all decided forget tcw.. my house the fucken gratto is the new hang out.. hell yeah partys at my pool.. in the club house would b sickkkk..  haha soo i got real tired n everyone left at lk 130.. i went upstairs and went to bed....!!!   todayy.. not doing much.. hangin out.. i have a dr. appt at 3.. then thats pretty much it.. SCHOOL TOMORRO! hell yeah! nott! i dont wanna go to school.. i hate it.. but this semester im gonna do superrrrrr good! i promised my self that.. thats my new yrs res. to get good grades.. ne ways.. im DONE typing my hands hurt.. haha ill update whenver xoxoxoxoxox   ps- the hole me and josh thing.. i dont really know where i stand in my heart.. i know i love him and he loves me.. but everyday i seem to b pushed further away.. with everything.. n in a way its good.. but in a way i dont wanna b pushed to the point where i dont ever wanna come back.. i dont know i love you tho.. and u r my life.. n yes its gonna b tuff.. but u have to realize that ive been through more of the pain then u have.. <3 im tired of people lying

Merry Christmas [25 Dec 2004|01:04pm] [ mood | disappointed ] [ im listin to Eamon.. fuck you.. i love that songggg ] well yesterday i hung around the house untill my dad came home.. we got ready to go to marco and then headed to my aunts house.. we got there and then we all went to church to suprize my gma.. she was givin out the bread at church! so we got there there were NO seats.. so we stood.. i saw joanna..she was singin.. aww.. so we saw my nani..and then all headed to the resturant for dinner.. joey and mike and gma and gpa franchino were there and my nani and aunt and couisn and my dad.. it was fun.. i dressed really nice.. i had black pin stripped pants.. with a pink long sleve shirt and pink pointed toe heals.. i looked soo good.. haha.. so did sammy she looked hot! lol.. so after dinner i went home.. and relaxed.. josh called me.. we were on the fone for a long ass time.. we had a good conversation... today i woke up... round 830.. opened presents.. n basically hung out.. josh called me.. i called all my friends and everything.. my dad is at the airport pickin up my cousin n gf.. and then tonite my aunt is comin in so we have to go back to the airport.. were goin to my aunts house as soon as my dad gets back.. im excited.. MORE PRESENTS! tomoro im goin to jersey! VERRYYYY excited.. monday i get to see josh... i cant wait.. and im goin to see ryan and hopefully colleen! i miss them.. josh told me some things these past few days that made me feel great.. but sum how i dont fully and totally believe him.. hes a bull shitter,.. hopefully everything he said to me is tru... well i gotta finish gettin ready... ill post xmas pictures.. we got a digital camera.. WHAT BITCHES! lolol.. well im out MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! JERSEY TOMORO! HELLLLLLL YEAHHH! 3 saying what they wanna say im tired of people lying

and im tired of this distance and i believe its over rated [23 Dec 2004|07:21pm] [ mood | crushed ] well where to freggen begin... tuesday night josh called me :).. at like 1 in the morning.. we had an awesome conversation.. then i went to bed! lol wensday my dad picked me up @ lk 12 and brought me to mandas.. we chilled.. we went to mikey and keiths house.. hung out there.. then went to the beach and amy and angela and melissa, claren, elise, and these 2 tourist boys were there.. foster came n chilled.. then we went to mc donalds and saw vinny and pauly.. then mike vergo came and met up with us.. we all chilled.. round 1130 we went back to mandas house.. and watched "The New Guy" there was all 4 of us in one bed.. hahahahaha it was funn.. we ALL fell asleep.. omgg.. haha foster left at lk 1230.. n mike was still passed out.. then @ lk 130 mike went home.. me and manda went to sleep.. oh i talked to josh alot that day.. :) MY BABYYY! i hate him.. lol... ne ways it was soo hot in her house last night..that we didnt get a good sleep.. it sucked.. but ne ways.. we woke up @ like hmm.. 930.. i called lizzy to see if we were still going tanning.. she said yea so amy picked me an manda up we went to progressive and did shit.. and then we got chinese food.. haha.. then sammy picked me up and we went up to Planet Beach to go tanning.. DAMNN I LOOK GOOD.. i got tann.. so did sammy.. i saw keith and mikey by publix when i was out side.. haha there so funny.. lol.. keith was bein a little bitch last nite.. hes gay.. i think im gonna have him come to dinner tomoro nite at my aunts resturant with the family just bc hes not goin back home for xmas n he dosnt have ne one to spend it with.. :(.. thats if he wants to come.. i dk.. but ne ways.. me n sammy went tanning.. then i had a drs. appt n my aunt picked me up.. went to that.. n came home n then had another drs. appt.. haha joyyy.. now im home.. ! tomorros xmas eve! yayayayay im excited.. i love spending time with my crazy family.. my aunt vic is comin tomor and casey and alisson are comin xmas day.. i got some hott shit from hollister and AF im gonna look soooo banging when i go to jersey!! DECEMBER 26TH 2004! NEW FUCKEN JERSEY! Cant wait.. the 27th im goin to see josh he gets his licences.. hes pickin me up.. n were gonna spend the day togheter.. then on new yrs.. i think im sleepin at his house.. who knows tho.. inbetween that im spendin time with my mommmmmy!!!!! and coll and neda n rin and everyone that i miss.. im gonna go to work with my mom to make some MONEYY hell yea.. i cant wait to see hunter either.. hessss myy babyy! my moo facie! aww i miss him hes soooo damn cute! aww! lol.. hmmm well thats all for now.. tomoro my dads gotta work.. then we have to b on marco by 330 n at church for my nani.. bc shes givin out the BREAD>. lol so church starts at 4.. the dinner at the cafe.. then home.. then xmas wakin up openin up presents.. then goin to sandys ALL DAY to spend time with the best family ever! OH I LOVE SAMMMMMYY! lololololol !!! im tired of people lying

wtf is her deal bitch? [21 Dec 2004|02:19pm] [ mood | nauseated ] hmm yesterday was funn.. i woke up super fucken early omgg.. lol did nothing hung out around my house.. i called manda and i decided to go over her house when my dad got home.. soo when my dad got home.. i got ready and he took me over to Mikeys house.. thats where manda was.. josh was there... then keith came home.. ahhhh it was so wierd to b around him.. im still madd at him for flippin out on me.. hes stupid.. whatever.. ne ways.. foster and mikey dollaz was suppose to pick us up.. n go to the mall.. but that didnt happen.. me n manda just decided to go back to her house and wait for the car.. so when her dad got home we called mikey and told him to meet us at South 7-11... so we got there and foster n mikey were together n vergo met us there.. mikey wanted me so bad! AHH and so did foster.. they wanted me to stay with them and hang out but manda wanted to go to this party in fucken Goldengate.. so i left with mand... we picked up Nick and Border.. and were pimpin it in the truck.. hahah we finally got there and the party was in teh woods.. fucken like sum chain saw massicare shit.. there was an abandoned car and caution tape and it was fucken scary.. we finally got to where the party was n tehre was a big bon fire.. and a movie screen.. they were all watchin what lies beneath! and everyone was just havin fun.. krista was there.. aww i love her.. i went with her to take a 10 minute pee.. i swear lol.. then Ass hole called.. and manda went to pick him up.. ALL THE wAY BACK ON MARCO.. we drove an hour to goldengate and had to drive an hour back to go pick him up.. ommggg.. i decided to go home.. after we picked him up.. sooo i came home and she trucked her ass back up to the party.. lol n i fell right asleep.. lol well as for josh.. were talkin.. hes so mean to me tho.. i dont care tho bc its not like i will ever take him back or have to worry about ti in a relationship.. i just put up with his attitude on teh fone n then whatever.. hes with his cousin right now.. he fuckend called me n hung up and i called him back n shes like STOP CALLING.. im lk umm wtf he called me.. wahtever tho... i dont care... this shit dosnt bother me ne mroe.... hmm tomor.. i think me n sammy are chillin with LIZZZZYYY BABYYY! i love her.. dont go to wis. STAY HERE WITH MEE! hahahah well im out later real gilligans island is the shittt!! my neck hurts... i think i slept wrong... I CANT WAIT TILL CHRISTMASSSS!!!!!!!!!! or to see you.. well maybe.. not really! if u stop bein gay then maybe! 1 saying what they wanna say im tired of people lying

[20 Dec 2004|11:55am] [ mood | creative ] Post a comment with your name and I'll tell you exactly what I think of you. No sugarcoating, no lies, just the honest truth. If I dont know you too well, then, I'll tell you what I do know. Then post this and do the same 4 saying what they wanna say im tired of people lying

and youll discover casual friends kept notes in their pockets! [19 Dec 2004|06:35pm] [ mood | content ] lets see.. foster picked me up when i got home from sammys... we went to TJIFRIDAYS to meet his uncle.. they had a few beers.. then we went to the mall.. i saw keith there.. i hid from him... i didnt want drama.. lol.. we left like 3 hours later n me n chris went to dairy queen to see mikey.. then he took me home.. josh called.. we were on the fone for like a half hour.. listen to this.. my mom and step dad saw him when they went out to eat today.. n thye talked for a little while.. ahh my mom said he looks really good.. i cant wait to see him.. hahaha but yea our convo was a good one.. hes gon call me later maybe.. who knows.. lol i think im goin to the MOVIES with my family.. im waitin for my aunt to call me.. i was suppose to go out tonite but i have a headach.. ehhh so i dont think i am.. plus manda is workin .. ne ways.. ill try n update lata.. xoxox im tired of people lying

RARARARAAWWW [19 Dec 2004|11:04am] [ mood | curious ] heyy losers im @ sammys right now.. shes in the shower.. lolol.. soo everyone likes my hair!! YEAHHH BABYY! haha im in a really good mood right now... im goin to the movies with my hole fam tonite, daddy, me , sammy, sandy, joe, joey, mike, and maybe nani.. who knows... im gonna call josh in a little wile.. or mayb ill wait til he calls me.. hmmm ... dunno.. i gotta call mikey tho.. i want him to come over tonite.. hopefully he dosnt work tonite.. fucker.. i want chris to come over too.. i love those guys so much! well im out.. FATTY! im tired of people lying

Goodmorning [19 Dec 2004|07:57am] [ mood | confused ] wow last nite was awesome... mikey and chris called me and wanted to come over.. so they came here for a little while.. it was good seeing mikey.. not being gay and wierd.. and foster is just awesome.. lol there cool kids.. i love them! so ne ways.. josh called me at lk 1 in the morning! WOWOWOWOW... i didnt expect that.. we had a good conversation.. he told me why he said those things was only because he was mad.. and he wanted me to get upset.. but he didnt mean them.. and he will always love me but i need to stop nagging.. i need to stop bitchin n shit.. and yeah i do.. but he said OF COURSE he wants to see me and pick me up.. so i can tell me mom not to worry bc he will b with me and nothing will happen.. thank god! He was at ryans when he called.. I LOVE RYAN! i miss him i cant wait to see him when i go to jersey..! its good to know josh cares..its good to know hes not mad and beleives me now.. its good to know he wants to see me... very good!!!! anyways.. i dk what im duin today.. mayb stayin home i dont know.. im done for now!!!!! mom i love you n i kno u read that entry i was just mad... i didnt want u to not let me go.. im sorry.. and i didnt mean it! im tired of people lying

you got it all wrong [18 Dec 2004|06:17pm] [ mood | drained ] well lets see i havent updated since.. hmm Wendsay or something i dk!? hmm lots has happened.. well lets see here... josh.. deff.. blocked me.. he dosnt wanna talk to me.. hes mad at me for something my friend did.. wtf is that.. i dont get it i really dont! well anyways.. his new "gf" deleated her journal.. i dont care.. i really dont wanna know anything about them ne more.. i didnt talk to him all thurs and all fri.. i wasnt plannin on talkin to him today either.. but i called him.. he answered.. i was suprized.. we talked for lk 3 min. not even kidding.. he said that i am responsible for my friends actions.. but im not! i cant controll her.. he said he sitll loved me but its hard.. i dont know enough about JOSH! yesterday was good.. we only had 2 mid terms.. got out of school @ 1210.. Joey was talkin to some senior today.. i dont know what her name is.. i got kinda wierd.. i dk why... nick told me its bc i like joey.. but i dont like him.. at least i dont think i like him.. im confussed.. all i kno is i was lk wierded out about it.. hmm.. ne ways.. after school i went to marco.. and went to mandas house.. mike vergo was there.. haha hes so awesome.. we all chilled then mike fucken napier called and told us he was pickin us up n we were goin to the beach.. so we went to the beach.. it was FREEZING! omg me and manda only stayed for lk a half hour.. n we walked to South beach hair bc ihad to get my hair done.. omg it looks awesome.. i cut it all off! i meannn all of it.. its layerd and blonde on top and brown underneath.. i love it it looks awesomeeeeeee!! after that.. manda came n picked me up n we went to her house.. then we went to burger king.. after that she had to go to work.. so josh picked us up dropped her off at work and me off at lizzys.. omgggg i love lizzy! our night- well me and lizzy had an awesome night.. omg lol.. i got to her house and i met her moms really crazy friend named pat.. she tought me how to use chop sticks.. i couldent hold them tho bc my hands were too small.. lol i met her older brother willy.. he looks exc.. like joe! omg.. lol so i called lizzys bro joe and asked where he was.. he said he was in naples but goin to the south beach party.. so me and lizzy were like ok we will go.. but b4 that she let me drive her car.. im an awesome driver.. omg hahahahahahaha rite lizzy.. lol i love youuu.... we went to bimini's to see manda and amy.. i got a job! imagin that i dont start till season.. sooo thats lk 2 months from now.. lol.. then joe and adam came to bimini's and told us we were goin to the beach with them! lol pat was passed out in the back of adams car.. lol they were all drunk.. lolol.. hmm ne ways.. we all went to the beach.. n me n lizzy were the ONLY ONLY girls there.. haha nick measures, ian, seth, joey, adam, mike, tony, cory, ryan.. everyoneeee was there allll drunk lololol... it was soooo fun.. lizzy had to pee like 90285 times.. so she poped a squat everywhere she went lol.. hmm joanna and sam came.. DRAMAMAMAMAMAMA! god i hate them! i love jo but i hate her and i hate same no questions asked! w/e they wanted to start shit with me and lizzy n me n liz were lk fuckkkkkk that.. so whatever... it was like i gess 1030 when manda called n told me her mikey and keith were comin to pick me up.. sooo they picked me up.. we went back to there house.. they decided to go to BOM-GAYYY! so me and amanda stayed tehre and passed out till 2 in the morning! omggg! lol thats when they came home.. n mandas dad called n was flippin shitt not even kidding he wanted us home.. it was too loud in the living room so i went in mikeys room to lay down.. n mikey came in n was lk im so drunk n layed down next to me.. so fucken keith comes and and FLIPS OUT on me bc apparently he likes me.. and i didnt knowwww that.. and amanda lk mikey but nothin happened bc i was DEAD ASLEEP! and so was he.. so keith fliped out sayin sum mean things kinda like josh would say.. and took me and amanda home.. and i was lk FUCKK THAt... seriously keith just lost his chance of ever bein with me.. bc after this hole josh thing i have really high expecations.... well whatever.. this morning me n manda woke up @ 11 and went to the bank n then my dad picked me up n i came home.. thats about it.. i layed down and bumbed it all damn day long.. keith called i told him i was mad at him.. amanda called she said her dads sending her back to PA noooooo wayyyyy mister.. uh huh r u sendin her backk fuck that shit seriously! ne ways.. well im out.. i miss sammy!! xoooxoxoxoxoxoxoox I LOVE LIZZY WABI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 saying what they wanna say im tired of people lying

OMG [15 Dec 2004|07:50pm] [ mood | pissed off ] basically josh : your fucked up you give out this girls sn to some bitch and said some fucked up shit to her i cant believe you would do that i hate you so much she is soo upset because you are jealous that youll NEVER touch me again I WILL NOT PICK YOU UP and I WILL NEVER EVER EVER HAVE SEX WITH YOU OR EVEN KISS YOUR FILTHY MOUTH you make my life so miserable i cant stand you im hating you more and more every day you are psycho you wrote in her journal OMG I FUCKIN HATE YOU call her ugly you the ugly mother fucker FUCK YOU!!!!! you have no right to say that to anyone dont you have any respect for anyone especially in your situation? guess not your just another smut im soo done with you im so pissed i can spit bullets have a good fuckin life you piece of shit!! well.. yepp thats what he had to say to me after everything we have gone through.. AND IT WASNT EVEN ME WHO IMED HER!.. its funny.. it really is.. but honestly its oka.. bc im over it.. so many ppl have helped me out tonite.. n i realized that I DONT CARE IF U DONT THINK IM BEAUTIFUL! BECAUSE I AMMM!!! i am! im fucken beautiful! and i dont care if u dont want me! BECAUSE i know sooo many people want me... IM SO FUCKEN OVER U THAT ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY! I FUCKEN HATE YOU! I DONT WANT U NE MORE! U CAN HAVE WHOEVER THE HELL U WANT! BC U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOIN HERE... AND U HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY GUYS BREAK THERE FUCKEN NECKS LOOKIN AT ME.. and ive talked to so many ppl tonite.. that said ur the fucken crazy one.. for not wanting me.. i LOVED YOU that was the only thing i was crazy about.. but for words to come out of ur mouth like that is redicilous.. and after everything i have done for u n been there for u.. i get this in return.. FUCKKKKKKKKK YOUUUU.. DIE ... FUCKEN DIE... U DUG UR OWN GRAVE.. BC IM FUCKEN HERE AND SOO OVER UR SORRY STUPID FUCKEN REDICILOUS FUCKEN ASS!!! DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!! FUCK YOU HAVE A NICE LIFEEEE!! DAMNIT IT FEELS SOO GOOD TO SAY THAT! FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!! GOD I CANT SAY IT ENOUGH!! IM FUCKEN STRONG AND BEAUTIFUL AND FUCKEN AMAZING!! JOEYYYYY -- i love him.. dunno what i would do with out him.. he is the best guy ive ever met!! me: i dont know how he can say something like that.. i couldent even say that to a bug joey: dude what if the bug was really mean.. what if the bug was makin faces at u.. and called u fat.. wouldent u b lk "shut up bug i hope u die.. i hope a bigger bug comes and eats u.. UR UGLY" me: i couldent say that.. bugs are cute.. HES SOO MEAN! joey: bugs can be mean! hahahah i love u joey!!! BLOW HOLEEE samantha! i love you.. thank u for everything.. my heart belongs to u baby girl! xoxoox Rinny- i love you.. ur amazing.. thank u for being there for me!! U ARE TRULEY AN ANGEL FROM HEAVEN ASHLEY NICOLE SMYTH! WHERE HAVE U BEEN ALL MY LIFE! baby girll December 27, 2004! THE SHITS HITTIN THE FANS! THE 2 HOTTEST FUCKEN BITCHES EVER TO WALK THIS EARTH REUNITE! FUCKEN YEA! RUNNIN MTL LIKE WE USE TO!! NO ONE IS FUCKEN STOPPIN US!! LETS GET THIS FUCKEN PARTY STARTED! I LOVE YOU AROUND THE WORLD AND BACK AGAIN!!!!! 8 months going strong! right giberson! hahahahhahahahah bffl!! godd my friends are amazing.. and u my friend are an ass hole... PEACE OUT BEAN SPROUT 5 saying what they wanna say im tired of people lying

haha she swears shes in love with him [15 Dec 2004|06:21pm] [ mood | determined ] i swear to god! ( serena knows how im sayin that hahahaha ) soo lord knows whats goin on right now.. haha things are actually good.. i dk how things could change sooo quickly.. but i talked to joshua last nite.. after all the fighting.. it was good.. i dont really remember what i said but i kno i told him that everything was fine.. n honestly it is fine.. im not even lying.. things are good.. im really over him.. yes i still love him and i always will.. but i honestly DONT wanna be with him.. seriously.. there are so many good things about him yet there are so many horrible things he does.. and he lies.. and breaks promises.. and hurts me so bad with what he says and does.. n he dosnt realize it.. one day he will.. but i guess not right now.. NOWW i say im cool with the hole thing.. and his new "gf" or whatever.. but i seriously wanna fucken kill her.. im not even kiddin if i go to mtl.. i will get my fucken friends n we will find her and fucken kill her!! hahah.. but me and josh talked today.. and it was good.. he IMED me this morning.. and we talked after school.. everything is fine.. really good actually.. and i dont EVEN CARE if he hooks up with ne one.. bc i have soooo many guys that want to hook up with me its not even funny.. lol   ohh shit i read her journal too... its like i have such strong feelings for josh.. i dont know what im gonna do.. friday were seeing eachother.. i dont want ne thing for xmas.. i have all that i want.. and thats josh! hahahahaha i started laughin so hard.. i was on the fone with katelyn when i read it.. i called josh laughin im not kidding laughin so hard.. hes like DUDE all i do is talk to the grl and shes crazy for me.. i swear once they hang out n he hooks up with her shes gonna think there gonna get fucken married i swear to it! hahah i know hes gonna use her.. he will never find a love like me.. and he better not be lookin for it.. bc its not out there.. dude i really wanna IM this bitch! so bad and b lk look ur not fucken in love with him.. u cant fuken take my place and u have 2 fucken boyfriends how many more do u need.. BUT I CANT i know i cant josh would kill me.. WHY SHOULD I CARE WHAT HE THINKS? i dont know im just not going to.. at least right now.. me and josh are fine and i want it to stayyy that wayy..   today was funn.. it was freezing allllllllllll day long.. i swear.. mid terms were gay lol.. my soccer sweat shirt says "Lonni" insted of Lanni.. so everyone is callin me Lonni.. its awesome.. me n rena and sammy have nick names.. amanda lonni, samantha skeeler, and serena skallish! haha OMG i love joey seriously im gonna marry him just bc hes sooooo funny.. i dont know what i would do with out joey he makes me laugh all the time i look at him and just laugh.. he was makin fun of me today bc i couldent get out the words i wanted to say to serena.. hes like ur like that retarted kid.. ah duhh.. hahah omg.. and the hole monkeys on marco and the whale and BLOW HOLE.. thing hhahaha makes me crack up every time.. lolol... i dont think ive ever met ne one as funny in my entire life.. lol.. ohh adam hes a charater.. he always makes blow job faces to me in chem... n i start laughin and the teachers like "AMANDA pay attention" and i just start laughin again! omg haha.. what else... rayray.. that kidd is the best.. hes like in love with sammy.. haha no comment thereee... i was eatin a ICEY today and everyone like holy cow why r u eating one of those its so cold out.. n lk 2 minutes later im lk im cold.. n tehre lk DUH u just ate and icey! haha...   dude im really starting to think im beautiful! its not even funny.. i really dont look down on my self ne more.. i think im really pretty! dunno what changed my mind bout that but DAMNN WHOS THAT GIRL! hahahha jkjk DUDE I WANNA KILL THAT GIRLLLLL! ARGHHHH   well.. friday dunno what im duin im gettin my hair done at South Beach at lk 3.. fun fun... then prolly gonna b with manda and liz, and mike, and everyone all weeken.. dont think im even gonna go home.. its xmas break.. theres no such thing as a sober night.. haha.. cant waitt.... dude im soo stoked! i love liz and amanda.. there awesome ppl...   oh mikey beeped me last nite.. he was drivin home from immoklie.. i dunno why he called.. it seemd lk he wanted to stop by.. who knows lol its so hard to understand him.. hes weird towards me STILL.. i dont know.. i think its fading tho.. i think im gonna call him this weekn n see if he wants to chill.. get things back to normal ya know..   cory texted me today.. he needs to come back to lely.. lk asap.. everyone misses him...   haha joanna is so funny.. im not givin in tho.. but its fun to see her in the middle of classes n just laughhh my ass off.. hahahhaa   dude i still wanna kill her.. seriously i wanna know whats TRULY going on with him and her.. cant he just tell me.. it will help me move on.. ANYTHING to help me move on some more! haha     well im out like a fat kid in doge ball fuckerss!   im tired of people lying

[14 Dec 2004|06:01pm] [ mood | anxious ] so i hate him .. lets start off with that.. shall we? i woke up this morning.. with kinda of a shakey'ness to me.. that something wasnt right.. then i realized what happend that night.. and it all made scense.. why i didnt sleep at all.. why i tossed and turned.. why i got up and cryed.. but as the day went on.. i realized that its not worth it honestly its not.. i really cant explane it.. its hard when u love someone.. really it is.. but i know that all the things he did to me.. and all the lies.. and broken promises.. and the sluts he's been with.. and the girls he talks too.. its like he never ever felt like he was taken.. he was always welcoming girls with open arms.. never once thought about me.. i read this girls journal.. she lives in mtl.. i dont know her.. i want to know her.. it seems like josh and her have been talkin for a while.. her profile says "Josh u have no idea how big of an impact u had on my life, i wish u could be mine" why would he do that.. talk to another girl.. and make them feel beautiful and special when a girl that he clames to love is sitting on the other end.. crying.. he dosnt understnad.. but i refuse to be treated like this ne more.. he said last nite he hated me.. and it was over.. and he didnt want to see me.. how i needed help and i was crazy.. and im annoying.. and he cant stand me.. and he dosnt wanna see me when i come.. i kno why he dosnt wanna see me.. its bc of this new girl. its because of other girls.. its oka tho.. really.. it is.. bc today opened my eyes to alot of things.. i really never realized how many awesome "guy friends" and there soo great.. like joey.. and rayray.. and coult.. and chris.. and joe.. and everyone.. its good and conforting to know that im not such a fucken retard and other guys like me and are there for me.. there awesome friends.. im letting go.. honeslty i am.. ive said it b4.. but i blocked josh.. and i kno he blocked me.. i deleated him from my phone book.. took the pictures i had of us and put them in a box and stuffed them in the back of my dads closet.. i took the bag.. of everything.. the first ice cream top from the first ice cream he bought me.. straws.. lighters.. bags from when we went shopping.. gum.. letters.. everything.. and shoved it under my bed.. his teddy bear.. i put in my closet.. so i cant smell it ne more.. im def on the road to recovery.. but yet i still want to see him.. i gues i just wanna have my lassstttt time with him.. just ya know to say good bye.. i love you have a great life.. i need closure.. i really hope he changes his mind.. i think it will b good if i saw him.. i kno i wont fall in love as deep again.. and of course ill always love him.. i just need to see him and say my final goodbye.. and know its over forever... i hope he reads this.. bc he just wont listen to me.. he thinks im crazy.. im not.. im really not.. because if he didnt do what he does.. like talk to this girl.. and cheat and be shady then i wouldent bring up stupid things.. and ive felt so neglected by him.. he never says ne thing to make me smile ne more.. never pays attention.. never does ne thing.. it use to be so perfect... but things change.. and thats all right.. i just need to say goodbye.. can u understand that?? i talked to katelyn from yorktown today.. god i love that girl she has the cuttest voice.. shes havin boy probs too.. its nice to talk to someone and share my feelings with them.. Just like its amazing to talk to coll.. god i miss her.. if i dont hang out with "MY BABY" then its me and colleen! yaya / boo boo well i hope tonite if we talk.. it dosnt get too bad.. i hope i dont get upset.. i really dont think i will.. im not very emotional right now just i am def excepting the fact that its over.. and im really mad at him.. yet i still wanna see him.. whats wrong with me?? and whats wrong with u?? why dont u wanna see me?? just to look me in the eyes and know ull never forget me? and say goodbye knowing u have a friend for life in ur heart! whats wrong with that huh? 1 saying what they wanna say im tired of people lying

GS? [13 Dec 2004|09:04pm] [ mood | mischievous ] well lets see where to fucken begin... tonite was good and bad.. found out alotta things.. i do it to my self.. i always find a way to find things out.. WHYY ? i dont know why.. i read her journal.. she likes him.. they talk alot.. he's moved on huh? thats why he dosnt want to see me.. or spend time with me .. he prolly has plans with her on new years.. i bet he does.. i care.. im upset.. but its not worth it.. bc he wont change his mind.. but thats oka.. bc i really want to get over him.. i really do.. lets go time is ticking.. OHH and he blocked me too.. what funn.. he started yellin at me tonite.. sayin how he dosnt wanna see me and its FUCKEN OVER.. and he hates me.. and he dosnt love me and i make him so angry.. hey what can i say.. its funny tho.. bc i talked to joey tonite.. he broke up with his gf too.. hes soo funny.. we were talkin bout noah and the marco monkeys.. everyone who knows should get this.. n joey was lk u shoulda told noah to jump in the water n go swim with them.. n i was lk and then he speaks whale.. and the whale eats him and he blows him out his blow hole.. and i started cracking up.. i think blow hole is the funnyest word.. haha joey is soo awesome.. he makes me soo happy.. seriously i could b cryin and he just says something funny and i crack up and im happy.. i saw him @ the mall sunday.. he met my daddy.. lol.. my dad thinks hes cool.. haha ne waysssss mikey dollaz (www.murkeywaterz.com) and manda brie came over.. i love mandaa.. it was wierd seein mikey.. we havent really talked that much since the drama and stuff.. he looked good.. he was wearin sunglasses and it was nite time.. lol hes soo silly.. i talked to ryan.. hes awesome.. i love him.. i really really dooo!! .. i talked to coll tonite alot.. she helped me through alot.. but still i cant seem to understand alotta things.. i just read her away message SHE SAYS SHE MISSES JOSH! wtf is that shit.. seriously mann.. he was apparently moving on and lying to me wayy b4 i even realized.. how could he do this to me... no no no.. im oka.. im fucken strong.. and im gonna move the fuck on.. there are so many guys here that like me.. and think im awesome.. and that would love to go out with me.. that dont treat me bad AT ALL.. seriously.. there are a few guys here that are pretty cool them selfs.. ive just been too cought up in josh to realize it.. but now there starting to show.. who knows what will happen.. i wrote something.. every night i pray that ull forever be with me- i cry and hope that one day ull realize that u care- i do it to my self.. i beat my self up and kick my self when im down- i try to convince the world im oka.. behind a beautiful smiling face- but its hard when i cant even convince my self- but i think back to everything that has happened- and all the things that the future will hold if i stay- and nothing i see makes it worth while- nothing i see makes me want to hold on- to take a journy of a thousand miles- you need to take ur first step- and through it all u learn- u learn that love will betray you- u learn ur heart will be broken- yet u over come that and become strong- through out life u realize ur beautiful- u realize that nothing can bring u down- u learn to be strong and independant- and when you see him with her- u learn to let it go- u learn that this is life- and in the back of his mind u know ur there- but he dosnt say a word- and you walk away with out turning and looking back- and at that point you've realized that god has a special gift for u- u realize he wasnt what god had planned for u- that his heart wasnt true- u know that god will find someone for u to love- because u know you have so much to give- and you know ur beautiful- you know that ur love could cover the world- and your kind hearted and generious- and life begins to make sence- the reason ur on this earth seems to become clear- and u realize.. that u are an amazing person with out him- and u can stand on ur own two feet.. and be beautiful- and you are strong.. and independant- yeh well thats its for now I WILL FUCKE THIS GIRL UP IF I EVER SEE HER.. OH JOSH I MISS U I WISH U COULD BE MINE OH BLAH FUCK OFF U CUNT 1 saying what they wanna say im tired of people lying

just a day just an ordinary day [13 Dec 2004|09:38am] [ mood | sick ] Well.. last nite i had a real bad head ach i didnt think it was anything.. n i woke up this morning and my head was killing me..my dad says i have a signus infection.. i stayed home today.. i kno i shouldent of but my head is killing me.. im gonna study today.. i have too... last nite i talked to joshh alot.. it was bad and good at the same time.. im so confussed.. i know its over..thres no doubt in my mind.. but sometimes.. i just dont know.. he said the LUST faded.. wtf is that suppose to mean.. i kno thats not good.. he WANTS to see others.. he says... i dont know how im supppose to take that.. as like he needs new "pussy" or he wants new love.. i dont know.. i mean if u really love someone ull wait forever for them right? he says where young.. i know where young.. but love dosnt care how old u r.. it just happens when it happens n u have to except that.. he wants to let go.. i try but deep down in my heart I DONT.. and i think thats whats stopping me from truley getting over him.. hmm.. i talked to colleen.. she helpd me through allotta things.. but at the same time it kinda sucks bc what she was saying was heart breaking.. for me and josh.. n her and ryan.. i remember ...................................... when everything was perfect.. when it was me and josh and ryan and colleen every damn night.. being together and just being the best of friends.. and being in love.. everynight we would be togheter.. and all night long it was perfect.. soo fun.. ryan and colleen are seriously amazing people.. i love ryan i really do.. he helps me alot too.. i miss him like crazy.. i really do.. and colleen.. god i cant explane how much i love i have for that girl.. i really cant.. she is fucken amazing.. she is perfect.. i love her so much.. if i was i guy id date her lol rite coll!!! hHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA lmao.. i love that girl with all of my heart..!! well.. thats all for now.. im gonna go lay down n do hw n study.. ergh! xOx im tired of people lying

as we go on we remember all the times we spent together [12 Dec 2004|08:28am] [ mood | drained ] i talked to chrissy last nite.. i miss her!! lol last nite i stayed home.. my dad's home.. yaya.. were goin xmas shoppin today.. fun fun fun! im gonna try on clothes that i liek and everything and hes gonna get it n rap it.. hahah.. im exciteddddd.. well anyways.. talked to josh for lk 2 minutes yesterday.. he hasnt been on line.. o well???? yeahh well.. i wanted to go out with MB last nite.. but i couldetn she was at work too.. so that didnt work.. keith and mikey wanted us to come over.. i guess they were havin a few ppl over.. but i decided to stay home.. i watched Mistic River last nite.. it was suchh a good movie... haha... i was readin my old entrys from my old journals.. its wierd.. how i started off with LEE being my best friend.. n then it faded and me and me and karin and neda and everything and then when me and josh started to get togehter.. and everything.. i dont know.. wierd.. real wierd.. i really have to study for midterms like i totally dont want too.. but i KNOW i have too.. argh im gonna do it tonite i think.. n tomor.. well im out for now.. xoxo im tired of people lying

Futher away i hear you screaming my name.. yet i turn around n walk away [11 Dec 2004|05:50pm] [ mood | envious ] well. lets see here.. last nite was awesome! lol i was with amanda brie.. we went n saw Liz.. i love that grl! shes so fucken awesome.. mitch and josh were there.. umm lets see all the ppl we saw last nite (the ones i dont remember but amanda said we still saw them hahahaha) scotty, sum kid with scotty, some guy with an accent, a fat kid, Keith, mikey, liz, mitch, josh, mike fucken napier, umm and i really cant remember the rest! olol.. but it was so fun.. besides the fact i cant remember half the night! lolol.. ne wayss... my daddy told me hes comin home early.. insted of comin home monday hes coming home today.. he should be home soon.. i cant wait... very excited.. we mite go xmas shopping tonite.. that should be fun.. i missed him.. alottt my mommy is havein a christmas party at her house in jersey with my hole family.. i wish i was there .. Angie, Tish, Aunt mary, Frankie, Johnny, mike, ant, mr. randazzo, sara, jen, aunt lorriain, cock blocker, june and neil, and everybodyyy..... i miss it.. i miss the gallucci's and the randazzo's soo much! its crazy i love those ppl.. there so awesome.. haha i hope i get to see them when i go to jersey... i have so many people that want to see me when i go home.. my main concern is Coll..ryan.. karin..neda.. bren.. ash..mike p.. and theres a few other.. i really hope i have a good time.. im kinda on the fence about it being fun or not.. worth it or not.. i dont know.. all i know is me and josh are COMPLEATLY overrr... and thats kinda good.. i guess becacuse he drives me crazy and he tells people that im psyco and nuts and he cant stand me.. if ur gonna say that then i dont wanna be with you.. he was apparently talkin to sum and they hung out.. ha its funny.. really funny.. bc he was lk i didnt do anything.. i can read right through him.. he's done it b4.. i love him.. but i dont wanna be with him now.. he's changed.. i mean some for the good.. but some for the bad.. it kinda sucks that hes at military school.. but o well.. that was his dicision.. ya know.. facing the facts that its over is heartbreaking yet releiving.. knowing that im not holding on to something that is complicated.. people ask do u have a boyfriend.. and i say no.. but im in love.. and they get confussed.. its better just to be single.. or find a guy here.. butttt marco dosnt have many guys here.. well may good guys.. christmas.. i dont know.. christmas.. should be.. well theres no words for it.. i dont know if i should go and see him.. i WANT too.. but theres a part of me that says no.. dont.. it will make it harder.. i guess ill make that dicision when i get there.. huh? school sucks.. i have midterms next week.. im actually gonna study for them.. yaya lol not.. hope i dooo gooooood.... well.. not much to say.. thank u sammy for lettin me spend like a billion days at ur house.. i love uuuu!! lol.. peace out bean sprout im tired of people lying

well.. [09 Dec 2004|03:42pm] [ mood | crazy ] hmm recently.. things have been oka.. lol yeseterday my aunt picked me up from school. i got my fone fixed.. actually i got new one a i710.. yay! lol its pretty cool.. hmm got back to the house and round lk 630 Lizzy called and asked if me n sam wanted to go to the game!! soo we decided to go.. we met serena there.. lol omg it was sooo funny omg lol.. we were screamin the HOLEE time.. lol coult was playing.. me and rena were like "Coult take off your shirt.. pull a mia ham.. come on.. 1 2 3 GOOOO" lol it was soo funny.. haha ne wayss..serena asked if i could go to Orlando this weeken with her and sam and sammy and a few other ppl.. i was psyced.. that was last nite today was good.. lunch was blah.. rena told me told me that Manfred didnt want me to go.. bc he thought i was annoying.. i was lk wtf.. who cares ur fucken asian anyways.. ur gay and i never did ne thing to u for u not to like me.. n second of all.. its SERENAS bday weekend not urs so if u have a problme then just DONT GO! i hate manfred.. i use to think he was cool but hes so mean to me.. like ill say hi to him in the halls and he will walk right by me.. im like dude u can not like me and at least be civil towartds me u fucker! argg.. ne ways.. besides that school was oka.. i cant wait till this weekend its gonna b awesome!! i love you serena!!! oh i hope sam wants me to go.. :( im tired of people lying

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